“Americans, it turns out, smile more than any other society on earth.”

Posted on August 22, 2022 by Kate Stover

Susan Cain, whose book Quiet launched her career as the Patron Saint of Introverts ten years ago, has written a new book that validates English teachers, artists, and everyone who is drawn to sad stories. Her argument – that “sorrow and longing make us whole” – is not new, but her observation that happiness is overrated – and can be toxic — is compelling. If there is one thing that I’ve learned during the pandemic, it’s that many people have good reasons to not be happy. Cain recommends that we see that human sorrow is inevitable, and so we should respond with compassion.

Cain, Susan. Bitter-Sweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. Crown, 2022, p. 120.

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“She gave me a piece of gingerbread which was so generously spread with salt butter that the richness was too much for me and I couldn’t eat it.”

Posted on August 11, 2022 by Kate Stover

Molly Weier, who was born in 1910 in Glasgow, had her own definition of what it meant to be rich. To her, it was having real butter instead of margarine and spreading it generously. This is how someone in her neighborhood lived, and it impressed her so much that she remembered it fifty years later. Her own family, like most people she knew, was poor. Her father died in WWI, and it was a challenge to afford a two-room apartment on her mother’s income. Did she feel sorry for herself? No. She didn’t know anything different. She thrived, with no regrets.

Weir, Molly. Shoes Were for Sunday: The Unforgettable Tale of Making Do with Nothing on Glasgow’s Streets. Penguin Books, 1970, p. 5.

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“I became a fine singer . . .in later years I was to be of great help to my husband with his song writing.”

Posted on August 3, 2022 by Kate Stover

As a fan of the Scottish poet Robert Burns, I was unaware of the role that Burns’ wife played with the development of his songs until I toured the home that he lived in at the time of his death in 1796. Jean, who by all accounts had a beautiful voice, sang drafts of his songs and helped him fine-tune them. And, for thirty years after his untimely death at age 37, she managed his manuscripts, making sure that he received proper credit. She was the publicist, protector, and distributor of his body of work as we know it today.

Jean Armour: My Life and Times with Robert Burns, edited by Peter J. Westwood.  Creedon Publications, 2001, p.11.

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“The man o’ independent mind / He looks an’ laughs at a’ that.”

Posted on July 19, 2022 by Kate Stover

Picture this: in the 1700s, a poet from Scotland united his fellow countrymen by showing them how to respond to the rich and powerful. He recommended laughter. Meet Robert Burns – known as the “ploughman poet” – who grew up doing backbreaking field work during the day and learning French and Latin by candlelight. He reinvigorated Scottish identity by writing in Scottish vernacular. He supported social equity, economic justice, and the American revolution. He wrote fan mail — in an ode — to George Washington. If you have ever sung “Auld Lang Syne” on New Year’s Eve, you have sung one of his songs.

Burns, Robert. “A Man’s A Man for A’ That.” Robert Burns In Your Pocket: A Biography, And Selected Poems and Songs, of Scotland’s National Poet. Waverly Books, 2009.

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“We did not have clothes suitable for church.”

Posted on July 14, 2022 by Kate Stover

The New York Times uses “spare” and “charming” to describe this memoir about growing up on a Wisconsin farm during the Great Depression. I would add “remarkable” to this list. When she was six years old, the children at her school contributed their pennies to buy a doll for Carlson after she survived stomach surgery. Carlson says this is an example of how willing people were to share “what little they had” during those hard times. However, the story doesn’t stop here: she tells us this was the only doll she ever had. Even so, she looks back with gratitude.

Carlson, Beuna Coburn. Farm Girl: A Wisconsin Memoir. University of Wisconsin Press, 2020, p 156.

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“I stand here coiled in orbits, head to foot, because this tilted world is where I live.”

Posted on June 30, 2022 by Kate Stover

The great poet Henry Taylor must have been in a cranky mood when he compiled this collection of 100 poems that span his 50-year career. Taylor chose not to follow the convention of inviting a respected peer to write an introduction; he selected a cover that makes it look like there is a more inviting cover underneath it (there isn’t), and his book’s title comes from the last lines from a poem that says that spheres and vast diagrams crowd his mind. Perhaps he wants to tell us that there are no simple answers or explanations; mystery prevails – and it’s tilted.

Taylor, Henry. “Not Quite Lost in Space.” This Tilted World Is Where I Live.  Louisiana State University Press, 2020, p. 32.

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“There is a notion that creative people are absent-minded, reckless, heedless of social customs and obligations.”

Posted on June 17, 2022 by Kate Stover

The poet Mary Oliver continues: “It is, hopefully, true.” She argues that interruptions and schedules and errands are the enemies of creative work. I’ve been thinking a lot about the level of concentration that writing require. I’m working with writers this summer who, in many cases, haven’t taken classes for a number of years. It’s hard to concentrate. We are we interrupted by others and — worse yet — by ourselves, which is a “darker and more curious matter.” Yet, we must accept the challenge. Our work is important. Our goal is not to “help the world go around, but forward.”

Oliver, Mary. “Of Power and Time.” Upstream: Selected Essays.  Penguin Press, 2016, p. 29.

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“Writing is similar to psychotherapy in that emotional disclosure is part of the healing process.”

Posted on June 10, 2022 by Kate Stover

Some of the people who attend my memoir workshops come to write their family history, others want to write memorable stories, and yet others want to discover meaningful answers to their questions about “life.” This book, written by a psychotherapist, is for this third group of people.  It describes an eight-step process that is designed to help readers put unresolved conflicts behind them, heal their wounds, and find meaning, value, and inspiration in their lives (xv). Clearly, it’s not easy. Myers suggests visualizing positive images while writing about dark episodes for fifteen minutes. Her guidelines are based on empirical research.

Myers, Linda Joy. The Power of Memoir: How to Write Your Healing Story. Jossey-Bass, 2010, p. 125.

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“Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo . . .”

Posted on May 27, 2022 by Kate Stover

Virginia Woolf argues that life is not comprised of an orderly series of events, but rather, life is complex and spiritual in nature. Therefore, when writing about life, novelists should “. . . convey this varying, unknown and uncircumscribed spirit, whatever aberration or complexity it may display . . .” In its 1925 review of this collection of essays, the New York Times notes the high level of creativity in Woolf’s analysis. She is an “uncommon reader” because her ideas are innovative and because she is also a novelist whose work redefines what novels should be about: not orderly lamps, but the mysteries of the human spirit.

Woolf, Virginia. The Common Reader: First Series, edited by Andrew McNeillie, Harcourt, 1984, p. 150.

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“There was this air, this light, a day of thorough and forgetful happiness . . .”

Posted on May 20, 2022 by Kate Stover

How many Pulitzer-Prize winning poets write about happiness? I can think of only one, Henry Taylor, who is considered by some critics to be “deliberately, determinedly unfashionable.” Why? Perhaps it is because his “technically well-ordered style and leisurely reflections of life” (which are comparable to Robert Frost’s work) are “now unfavored,” according to the reviewers cited by the Poetry Foundation. They find his goal of discovering what “we used to call wisdom” to be old fashioned. As a result, his work is ignored by many, but not by this reader. I know that his poetry is what my spirit needs.

Taylor, Henry. The Flying Change. Louisiana State University Press, 1985, p. 55.

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“People writing about imaginary events were less depressed than people writing about actual trauma.”

Posted on May 9, 2022 by Kate Stover

In Rewrite Your Life: Discover Your Truth Through the Healing Power of Fiction, Jessica Lourey cites academic research that found that people who write fiction can experience more physical health benefits than people who write autobiography.  In my college classes, I’ve found that asking students to write about topics that seem safe – such as early experiences with writing – can trigger traumatic memories. Without realizing it, we can be asking students to play with fire. Should there be an option that allows students to have the control and safety that comes with fiction, where writers can control how the story goes?

Lourey, Jessica. Rewrite Your Life: Discover Your Truth Through the Healing Power of Fiction. Conari Press, 2017, p. 11.

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“The writer must solve two problems: Can it be done? and, Can I do it?”

Posted on April 22, 2022 by Kate Stover

Every book, story, and poem, Annie Dillard says, presents challenges, “which the writer discovers as soon as his first excitement dwindles.” That’s when the real work begins. Can it be done? Can the writer engage our intellects and our hearts? Why are we reading, Dillard asks, “if not in hope that the writer will magnify and dramatize our days, will illuminate and inspire us with wisdom, courage, and the possibility of meaningfulness, and will press upon our minds the deepest mysteries, so we may feel again their majesty and power?” Wow! This book about writing elevates the writer’s challenges beautifully.

Dillard, Annie. The Writing Life. Harper & Row, 1989, pp. 72-73.

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“Embrace the crumbs with the cake.”

Posted on April 15, 2022 by Kate Stover

It’s been eight years since I last read this book, and this time around, I’m struck by Goldberg’s advice to pay attention to memorable, small pieces. In fact, one of the best ways to write about the “monumental” is to begin by describing one “crumb” of it. Other writers share this perspective. For example, Nabokov said, “Caress the divine details.” So, instead of writing about “ocean,” focus on tides or seaweed or salt.  Instead of trust, honor, and patriotism, focus on bring cherries, clouds, and butter (237). Pounce on how it looked, smelled, tasted and felt. Make it real.

Goldberg, Natalie. Old Friend from Far Away: The Practice of Writing Memoir. Free Press, 2007, p. xx.

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“Thorny people. They don’t always follow the etiquette.”

Posted on April 8, 2022 by Kate Stover

What do you think a story about a thorny family would include? If it’s by Anne Tyler, and if it covers a period of sixty years, you can expect to see that things don’t always work out. For example, the central character, named Mercy, does not have a close relationship with her family; she’s an artist who is too busy for art until later in life, and time is not kind to her skills. The New York Times says this is a “quietly subversive novel, tackling fundamental assumptions about womanhood, motherhood and female aging.” And, I would add, about mercy.

Tyler, Anne. French Braid. Knopf, 2022, p. 237.

 

 

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“When his wife had been alive, he had hardly noticed Jessie Morrow; indeed, if possible, he had noticed her even less than he had noticed his wife.”

Posted on March 23, 2022 by Kate Stover

In a 1978 BBC radio program, Barbara Pym said, “Perhaps I’ve been influenced by something I was once told about Proust – that he was said to go over all his characters and make them worse.” I laughed when I heard this because Pym does have a way of showing the faults of her characters, who tend to be Anglican clergy, women who attend church services frequently, and other do-gooders. Pym’s not interested in chronically their virtues.  Rather, she lifts the veil and lets us see the less-than-admirable traits, which of course, are the ones that we enjoy and remember.

Pym, Barbara. Jane and Prudence. Open Road Integrated Media, 1981, p. 47.

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